The Lost Plates of Laman / chapter 11

6 But as my father arose one morning and went forth from his tent, 10 and behold, to his great astonishment, he found upon the ground a strange metal object lying in the sand, and he did call everybody together.

7 And behold, it was a round, brass ball with two spindles or needles, like unto a compass or astrolabe, and Nephi did handle it and did remark about its curious workmanship and fine brass, and I did wonder what careless Bedouin had left it lying before the tent of my father, and I did suspect that somebody besides us must be wandering lost in the wilderness.

8 And it came to pass that my father did look closely at the ball; and behold, he said that one of the needles pointed the way whither we should go into the wilderness, but behold, it did point in the wrong direction, for it was pointing farther away from Jerusalem; wherefore, I did ask my father to look at the other needle, for he was always bad with directions.

9 Now I, Laman, began to grumble again, and with good reason; for behold, we were rambling farther and farther from our home, which meant that when my father decided to send us back for something else he had forgotten to pack, it would become a major pilgrimage; yea, and Morona did have her heart set upon a little fun in the city, neither did we like being at the mercy of some curious device that pointed off into nowhere.

10 Now my father did call the brass ball the Liahona, which being interpreted means, and this is Lemuel's translation, Little Computer that Falls from Sky.

11 And it came to pass that we did gather together whatsoever things we could carry and packed our bags and departed again into the wilderness; yea, we did cross the river Laman and left the valley of Lemuel, [31] and I did never expect that I would be so sad to leave this place; but behold, we were about to stumble deeper into the wilderness, with nothing but the dreams of my father and a device of curious workmanship to give us goofball directions.

12 Now my wife, Morona, was exceedingly gloomy, for it did appear that we would not return again unto Jerusalem until the spring; yea, she did now refer to our honeymoon as a comedy of errors, but I did assure her that most honeymoons were like that.

13 And it came to pass that we did travel for the space of many days; and it was hot during the day and cold at night, and our feet grew sore and we were always hungry, for once my father got on the road, he did not like to stop.

14 And behold, by day I did curse the sand and wind and sun and groaned at the cold moon and stars by night; yea, to be carried away captive into Babylon did now seem more and more attractive, and I did often dream about it, and my brother Lemuel also.

15 And it came to pass that at last we did stop to rest from our wanderings, and we did pitch our tents in a place my father called Shazer, after the name of our near-sighted cousin. And I did feel sorry for Sam, that he did not have any place named after him; wherefore, I did comfort him by pointing out that this place was a dump, and that surely our father would find a nicer one later on, maybe a mountain that would be called after him, or perhaps some day even a club; yea, and I did console my brother, Nephi, that he should not feel hurt that he did not yet have landmarks named after him either, telling him that some day he might have a whole town or maybe even a bunch of people named after him.

16 And thus did I, Laman, speak comforting words unto my little brothers in the place of Shazer, where my father did pitch his tent for a mini-season.

17 And it came to pass that Nephi said that we should take our bows and our arrows and go forth into the hills to slay food for our families; but behold, I did remind him that we were in a strange land where it might not be hunting season, neither did we have a license; wherefore, he did remind me that such things had never bothered me before, and so I, Laman, did go off on the hunt.

18 Now behold, as my brothers went on ahead, I did stop to rest in a narrow draw covered with trees; and behold, a wild donkey did step forth from the thicket, neither did he see me sitting upon a cliff above him; wherefore, I did roll a large rock down upon him and did slay him.

19 And it came to pass that when my brothers returned empty-handed, behold, I had buried the head of the donkey and had skinned and quartered the beast so that it did look like a nice piece of venison; wherefore, we did return unto the tent of my father with meat for our families, neither did I bother to tell them that what they were [32] rejoicing over was a dead donkey; yea, and when Lemuel did later ask me what I had done with the head, I did explain that I had given it unto a passing nomad who wanted the horns for mounting.

20 Now behold, our stay in the place of Shazer was short, for we did again slosh off into the wilderness; yea, Sam was happy that the place had not been called after him, for we were there but three days, which annoyed our cousin, who said we might as well have given his name unto the moose I had shot.

21 And it came to pass that we did travel for the space of a few days, then camped for the space of a few more days, then hit the road again into the wilderness. Now behold, even with the Liahona it did seem that we were still merely wandering, for we did keep to the borders near the Red Sea without ever really going there, neither could we expect to catch any fish if we did, for our fishing rods were back at Jerusalem with the rest of our precious things.

22 Now it came to pass that we went forth to slay food nearly every day with our bows and our arrows and our slings; wherefore, we were always hungry, for we were lousy hunters; yea, most of us could not hit the broad side of a barn with a sling or an arrow, let alone a wild boar or a bounding deer; and behold, I would never have slain the wild donkey if it had not practically walked up to me and requested a hunter-assisted suicide.

23 Now behold, Nephi did hunt with a bow of fine steel, for he did always go first-class; wherefore, he did get most of the game, for Lemuel and Sam and I did all have cheap wooden bows that soon lost their zip; yea, I could hit nothing, not even a sick hyena, with my crummy bow; wherefore, I only went on the hunting trips because it was a man thing, and to get out of the tent.

24 And it came to pass that after many days of hiking and camping and hunting, behold, Nephi did break his nifty bow; wherefore, we did grow angry with him, for we had grown fond of eating almost every day; yea, Without the steel bow of Nephi we were really behind the eight ball.

25 And we did return unto our families empty-handed and mournful, and they were tired from tramping around, and wandering made them exceedingly hungry; yea, they were sick of eating beans and turnips; wherefore, everyone got really moody and the children began to bawl and the adults began to murmur, and the murmuring became so loud that it frightened some of the camels and the horses; and behold, several of them up and bolted into the bush so that I, Laman, and also my brother, Lemuel, did have to go forth to look for them.

26 And it came to pass that after two days we did return with the animals that had nipped off; wherefore, everyone was sorry that they did murmur so loudly; yea, we did rebuke everybody, saying that in the future they should keep their murmuring to an acceptable level or else next time they would have to go chasing after the spooked animals themselves.

27 Now behold, my wife, Morona, did complain unto me again, saying this was a really cheap honeymoon and that we should return at once unto Jerusalem or she would move back into the tent of her father, Ishmael; yea, she was sick and tired of prowling around the borders of the Red Sea and never once actually going there, especially since she had packed her Assyrian designer swim suit.

28 Yea, and even my father did murmur, which showed that he was finally coming to his senses; wherefore, I did propose that we stop this aimless wandering and hightail it back to Jerusalem and hustle over to the land of our inheritance before some squatters nabbed it; yea, I did recount unto our little party the whole nine yards of our sufferings and afflictions, saying that we might as well admit that our vacation just hadn't panned out; yea, and I did conjure up a picture of some of the best restaurants back home in Jerusalem and did recite unto them some of the menus by heart.

29 And now, as I was stirring the pot of passions and turning the thoughts of everyone unto Jerusalem and home, behold, Nephi was busy making another bow out of wood, and arrows from sticks, yea, we did point our fingers at him and mock him, which, remembering Lehi's dream, did seem like dejavu all over again.

30 And it came to pass that when Nephi had finished his new bow, he went straight unto our father, asking where he should go to obtain food; wherefore, I did provide the answer, shouting in a loud voice; Jerusalem! And behold, the entire company did crack up.

31 But Lehi did qUietly retire unto his tent to inquire of the Lord; and behold, he came forth with the Liahona in his hands, and we did all look upon the ball and beheld new words written upon it, for it did have what looked to be a tiny monitor.

32 Now, I, Laman, do not write what we saw, but it did cause us to shake in our boots, for it was a kind of magic ball, and the things that did appear were the thoughts of our hearts, and each one saw his own, and we could not look upon it for long. And my father and my brother, Nephi, did gaze into the ball, neither did they say what they saw; but behold, it did show unto them the direction Nephi should go to hunt.

33 And it came to pass that Nephi went forth up onto the top of a mountain, and he did find wild beasts and did slay them with his bow and arrows; wherefore, he did again bring home the bacon, and we did rejoice and did no more guffaw at Nephi, neither did we doubt anymore the power of the ball or director which my father had found, but I, Laman, did not wish to look into it again, for it is terrible to look into the darkness of your own heart.

	The Lost Plates of Laman An Account Written by the Hand of Laman upon Plates of Tin Made by His Own Self—with a Little Help from his Brother Lemuel by Bob Lewis Signature Books; Salt Lake City, Utah © 1997 by Signatue Books. Contents Introduction The Book of Laman Chapter 1. Laman fabricates his tin plates Chapter 2. Laman tries to persuade his father to stop annoying the neighbors Chapter 3. Laman and his brothers are sent on a wild goose chase Chapter 4. The deal for the brass plates goes sour Chapter 5. Nephi goes to the house of Laban in Jerusalem Chapter 6. Laman and his brothers return unto the tent of Lehi in the wilderness Chapter 7. Laman explains the brass plates and what a nuisance they have become Chapter 8. Would you believe it? The sons of Lehi are sent back unto Jersusalem Chapter 9. Lehi has a nightmare Chapter 10. Laman and Lemuel worry about their father's discourse on horticulture Chapter 11. There are marriages galore in the wilderness Chapter 12. Ishmael dies suddenly, which is a lousy way to get out of wandering Chapter 14. Years pass wandering—the game of golf is almost invented Chapter 15. A ship of curious workmanship is built, but will it float? Chapter 16. Laman cannot believe the sea is so large—they take up fishing to pass the time Chapter 17. Laman gives an account of his tin plates—the promised land is not a bed of roses Chapter 18. Lehi blesses his children, but Laman gets a left-handed blessing Chapter 19. Nephi is afflicted with the wandering disorder and goes off into the wilderness Chapter 20. Laman becomes king Chapter 21. Moron is sent to spy upon the people of Nephi Chapter 22. The Lamanites become a pain in the neck unto the Nephites cover


	CHAPTER 11 There are marriages galore in the wilderness—Lehi finds a brass ball to go with his brass plates, but it points in the wrong direction—The sons of Lehi go hunting without a license—Nephi breaks the only decent bow, and the murmuring goes right off the scale—The brass ball works by magic. AND it came to pass that Zoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife, right there in the wilderness; yea, we were so busy interpreting dreams and delVing into horticulture that we didn't notice that old Zoram was getting sheep eyes; wherefore, there was much rejoicing amongst us, for it was our custom that no one of a man's daughters could marry until the oldest was hitched, and Ishmaela—for that was the name of the oldest daughter—was getting a little long in the tooth. Now I did see the wisdom in bringing Zoram with us into the wilderness, for he was getting a tad wrinkly himself; yea, he pretty well took me, the oldest son, off the hook.33 And it came to pass that Nephi went forth up onto the top of a mountain, and he did find wild beasts and did slay them with his bow and arrows; wherefore, he did again bring home the bacon, and we did rejoice and did no more guffaw at Nephi, neither did we doubt anymore the power of the ball or director which my father had found, but I, Laman, did not wish to look into it again, for it is terrible to look into the darkness of your own heart.
	2 Now after Zoram was married, behold, the matrimonial floodgates did open, and we were awash in nuptials; yea, I did take to wife Morona, the most fetching daughter of Ishmael, and my brethren also [30] took of the daughters of Ishmael to wife; and even the exchange student had goo-goo eyes for one of my sisters and was caught up in the connubial bliss, and a cousin did latch onto the other sister; wherefore, the bonds of matrimony did encircle us in one great clove hitch. 3 Now, all these things were done as my father dwelt in a tent in the valley of Lemuel, and it was a good thing he slept and dreamed so much or you can bet they never would have happened. 4 And it came to pass that I did promise to take Morona back to Jerusalem for a honeymoon if she would wait for the next dream of my father, for I did expect to be sent packing on another errand, probably for a few more tents and a crib or two. 5 Now behold, she did not have to wait long; yea, we had scarcely finished with the freeze-dried wedding cake when my father had another dream; and behold, he commanded that we

				"And it came to pass, that Zoram took the eldest daughter of Ishmael to wife; yea, and I, Laman, was exceedingly relieved."

	should again trudge off into the wilderness; wherefore, I had hopes that we would head north in our wanderings, now that winter was coming on; yea, I did wish that we might get back home for the holidays. 6 But as my father arose one morning and went forth from his tent, 10 and behold, to his great astonishment, he found upon the ground a strange metal object lying in the sand, and he did call everybody together. 7 And behold, it was a round, brass ball with two spindles or needles, like unto a compass or astrolabe, and Nephi did handle it and did remark about its curious workmanship and fine brass, and I did wonder what careless Bedouin had left it lying before the tent of my father, and I did suspect that somebody besides us must be wandering lost in the wilderness. 8 And it came to pass that my father did look closely at the ball; and behold, he said that one of the needles pointed the way whither we should go into the wilderness, but behold, it did point in the wrong direction, for it was pointing farther away from Jerusalem; wherefore, I did ask my father to look at the other needle, for he was always bad with directions. 9 Now I, Laman, began to grumble again, and with good reason; for behold, we were rambling farther and farther from our home, which meant that when my father decided to send us back for something else he had forgotten to pack, it would become a major pilgrimage; yea, and Morona did have her heart set upon a little fun in the city, neither did we like being at the mercy of some curious device that pointed off into nowhere. 10 Now my father did call the brass ball the Liahona, which being interpreted means, and this is Lemuel's translation, Little Computer that Falls from Sky. 11 And it came to pass that we did gather together whatsoever things we could carry and packed our bags and departed again into the wilderness; yea, we did cross the river Laman and left the valley of Lemuel, [31] and I did never expect that I would be so sad to leave this place; but behold, we were about to stumble deeper into the wilderness, with nothing but the dreams of my father and a device of curious workmanship to give us goofball directions. 12 Now my wife, Morona, was exceedingly gloomy, for it did appear that we would not return again unto Jerusalem until the spring; yea, she did now refer to our honeymoon as a comedy of errors, but I did assure her that most honeymoons were like that. 13 And it came to pass that we did travel for the space of many days; and it was hot during the day and cold at night, and our feet grew sore and we were always hungry, for once my father got on the road, he did not like to stop. 14 And behold, by day I did curse the sand and wind and sun and groaned at the cold moon and stars by night; yea, to be carried away captive into Babylon did now seem more and more attractive, and I did often dream about it, and my brother Lemuel also. 15 And it came to pass that at last we did stop to rest from our wanderings, and we did pitch our tents in a place my father called Shazer, after the name of our near-sighted cousin. And I did feel sorry for Sam, that he did not have any place named after him; wherefore, I did comfort him by pointing out that this place was a dump, and that surely our father would find a nicer one later on, maybe a mountain that would be called after him, or perhaps some day even a club; yea, and I did console my brother, Nephi, that he should not feel hurt that he did not yet have landmarks named after him either, telling him that some day he might have a whole town or maybe even a bunch of people named after him. 16 And thus did I, Laman, speak comforting words unto my little brothers in the place of Shazer, where my father did pitch his tent for a mini-season. 17 And it came to pass that Nephi said that we should take our bows and our arrows and go forth into the hills to slay food for our families; but behold, I did remind him that we were in a strange land where it might not be hunting season, neither did we have a license; wherefore, he did remind me that such things had never bothered me before, and so I, Laman, did go off on the hunt. 18 Now behold, as my brothers went on ahead, I did stop to rest in a narrow draw covered with trees; and behold, a wild donkey did step forth from the thicket, neither did he see me sitting upon a cliff above him; wherefore, I did roll a large rock down upon him and did slay him. 19 And it came to pass that when my brothers returned empty-handed, behold, I had buried the head of the donkey and had skinned and quartered the beast so that it did look like a nice piece of venison; wherefore, we did return unto the tent of my father with meat for our families, neither did I bother to tell them that what they were [32] rejoicing over was a dead donkey; yea, and when Lemuel did later ask me what I had done with the head, I did explain that I had given it unto a passing nomad who wanted the horns for mounting. 20 Now behold, our stay in the place of Shazer was short, for we did again slosh off into the wilderness; yea, Sam was happy that the place had not been called after him, for we were there but three days, which annoyed our cousin, who said we might as well have given his name unto the moose I had shot. 21 And it came to pass that we did travel for the space of a few days, then camped for the space of a few more days, then hit the road again into the wilderness. Now behold, even with the Liahona it did seem that we were still merely wandering, for we did keep to the borders near the Red Sea without ever really going there, neither could we expect to catch any fish if we did, for our fishing rods were back at Jerusalem with the rest of our precious things. 22 Now it came to pass that we went forth to slay food nearly every day with our bows and our arrows and our slings; wherefore, we were always hungry, for we were lousy hunters; yea, most of us could not hit the broad side of a barn with a sling or an arrow, let alone a wild boar or a bounding deer; and behold, I would never have slain the wild donkey if it had not practically walked up to me and requested a hunter-assisted suicide. 23 Now behold, Nephi did hunt with a bow of fine steel, for he did always go first-class; wherefore, he did get most of the game, for Lemuel and Sam and I did all have cheap wooden bows that soon lost their zip; yea, I could hit nothing, not even a sick hyena, with my crummy bow; wherefore, I only went on the hunting trips because it was a man thing, and to get out of the tent. 24 And it came to pass that after many days of hiking and camping and hunting, behold, Nephi did break his nifty bow; wherefore, we did grow angry with him, for we had grown fond of eating almost every day; yea, Without the steel bow of Nephi we were really behind the eight ball. 25 And we did return unto our families empty-handed and mournful, and they were tired from tramping around, and wandering made them exceedingly hungry; yea, they were sick of eating beans and turnips; wherefore, everyone got really moody and the children began to bawl and the adults began to murmur, and the murmuring became so loud that it frightened some of the camels and the horses; and behold, several of them up and bolted into the bush so that I, Laman, and also my brother, Lemuel, did have to go forth to look for them. 26 And it came to pass that after two days we did return with the animals that had nipped off; wherefore, everyone was sorry that they did murmur so loudly; yea, we did rebuke everybody, saying that in the future they should keep their murmuring to an acceptable level or else next time they would have to go chasing after the spooked animals themselves. 27 Now behold, my wife, Morona, did complain unto me again, saying this was a really cheap honeymoon and that we should return at once unto Jerusalem or she would move back into the tent of her father, Ishmael; yea, she was sick and tired of prowling around the borders of the Red Sea and never once actually going there, especially since she had packed her Assyrian designer swim suit. 28 Yea, and even my father did murmur, which showed that he was finally coming to his senses; wherefore, I did propose that we stop this aimless wandering and hightail it back to Jerusalem and hustle over to the land of our inheritance before some squatters nabbed it; yea, I did recount unto our little party the whole nine yards of our sufferings and afflictions, saying that we might as well admit that our vacation just hadn't panned out; yea, and I did conjure up a picture of some of the best restaurants back home in Jerusalem and did recite unto them some of the menus by heart. 29 And now, as I was stirring the pot of passions and turning the thoughts of everyone unto Jerusalem and home, behold, Nephi was busy making another bow out of wood, and arrows from sticks, yea, we did point our fingers at him and mock him, which, remembering Lehi's dream, did seem like dejavu all over again. 30 And it came to pass that when Nephi had finished his new bow, he went straight unto our father, asking where he should go to obtain food; wherefore, I did provide the answer, shouting in a loud voice; Jerusalem! And behold, the entire company did crack up. 31 But Lehi did qUietly retire unto his tent to inquire of the Lord; and behold, he came forth with the Liahona in his hands, and we did all look upon the ball and beheld new words written upon it, for it did have what looked to be a tiny monitor. 32 Now, I, Laman, do not write what we saw, but it did cause us to shake in our boots, for it was a kind of magic ball, and the things that did appear were the thoughts of our hearts, and each one saw his own, and we could not look upon it for long. And my father and my brother, Nephi, did gaze into the ball, neither did they say what they saw; but behold, it did show unto them the direction Nephi should go to hunt. 33 And it came to pass that Nephi went forth up onto the top of a mountain, and he did find wild beasts and did slay them with his bow and arrows; wherefore, he did again bring home the bacon, and we did rejoice and did no more guffaw at Nephi, neither did we doubt anymore the power of the ball or director which my father had found, but I, Laman, did not wish to look into it again, for it is terrible to look into the darkness of your own heart.