The Lost Plates of Laman / chapter 14

7 And it came to pass that the years dragged by, and we did continue our wandering and wading; and behold, I did begin to suspect that our father, Lehi, was hoping to break the record for wandering held by the children of Israel; yea, and I did worry that our children would grow up thinking that life was just a beach.

8 And lo and behold, after what did seem an eternity, we did stumble upon the edge of a great sea, which my father named Irrigation, or something like that, which he said means many waters; yea, it was a whole magnitude of water, which I did expect since there had been so much beach leading up to it.

9 And behold, we pitched our tents in a verdant valley that looked out upon the sea, and our children did gather fruit from the many trees, and we found wild honey and much game; wherefore, my father called the place Bountiful, though we had no relative by that name; and behold, I did truly think it was the promised land; yea, I did sit against a tree and did look for hours upon the green land, while our children frolicked like young lambs and my eyes began to fill with tears, for I was sitting in a clump of stinging nettle.

10 Now after many days, I began to be exceedingly comfortable in the land of Bountiful, for we did have plenty to eat and a spectacular view with hardly any traffic; wherefore, my wife did make plans for a small bungalow near a fresh spring, thinking that we might fold up our borrowed tent for good.

11 But behold, Nephi did grow restless, for some people just don't know how to relax; yea, we did observe that he spent his time collecting skins of beasts, and with them he did make a strange contraption which he called a bellows wherewith to blow a fire, that he might make tools.

12 Now behold, I did gripe unto our father, Lehi, saying: If Nephi can build a fire to make his ball-peen hammer and his lug wrench, why could not we have a little fire for a barbecue? Yea, and why do we need tools in the first place, for have we not become hunters and gatherers, or are we now to become farmers, and will not this confuse those at BYU who will one day do a master's thesis on us?

13 But behold, all of our wandering had pretty well taken its toll on Lehi, and he did let Nephi run wild; yea, our broth[39]er, who had been acting very strange, did one day drop a bombshell on us, saying: Behold, the voice of the Lord did come unto me and did tell me to construct a ship wherewith to carry us across these waters; and behold, I am making these tools that I might build the ship as the Lord directs me.

14 Now I, Laman, could not believe my ears, for Nephi did not know diddly squat about making boats, neither was I going to set foot in anything that he built, let alone take a trip across the sea and probably drop off the edge of the world in the process; yea, if the Lord wanted us to go sailing, why could he not provide the means, for he had caused the Liahona to be dropped from the sky at the door of the tent of my father, then why not just trot out the Faro's own ship, the Queen Nefertiti?

15 But behold, Nephi did insist that he could build a ship with the help of the Lord, but wouldn't you know it, he did ask for my help, and the help of Lemuel also, which shows that Nephi was a little off his rocker, for we didn't know beans about boats either.

16 And I, Laman, did point out a few flies in the ointment; namely, that if the Lord himself was planning to lend a hand, then we might as well go fishing, for if the Lord could create the whole world in eight or nine days, I forgot which, surely he could crank out a boat in the wink of an eye; yea, and many other clever and sarcastic things did I say unto Nephi.

17 And Lemuel did also wax witty, bugging Nephi to cough up the plans for this divine dinghy, for surely the Lord would not build a boat without a blueprint; yea, and we did all laugh at Nephi and tease him and call him a fool and a few other names that may be hard to translate.

18 And it came to pass that Nephi was much downcast, which did make us feel good, for there is nothing like the depression of others to cheer a body up.

19 But behold, after we had our fun, we did speak words of comfort unto Nephi, saying that we knew deep down that he did not really expect to build this new-fangled ark, and besides, the land Bountiful was a little short on gopher wood; yea, and Lemuel pointed out that there was no sign of rain in the forecast as in the days when old Enoch built his ark.

20 Wherefore, I said unto Nephi: Thou art like unto our father, Lehi, led away by the foolish imaginations of thy heart, or is it thine heart?

21 Yea, once we got warmed up, we did murmur for the umpteenth time about being dragged out of the land of our inheritance to wander in the wilderness and to wade knee-deep through afflictions and to toil through hot days and to gag on cold meals and to suffer the smell of camels, and never once in all these years visit Club Med.

22 And, of course, we did bring up the old chestnut about the people of Jerusalem being good and decent, for they did always seem much better from a distance; yea, and we did not omit [40] the part about the gold and silver and precious things that we had been forced to leave behind with that thug of a monkey's uncle, Laban.

23 Now behold, after our truly world-class murmuring, we did think that Nephi was ready to heave in the towel, and that he would no more pursue his foolish plans to fashion a frigate; but behold, we did ever underestimate the pigheadedness of our little brother; yea, he did again crank out the story of Moses and the children of Israel who were led out of bondage and fed mangos from heaven and were at last brought to a land of promise, which was all very interesting, but I did not see the connection.

24 Wherefore, I, Laman, did remark unto Nephi that we were not at all like the children of Israel, for we were not in bondage; yea, we had quit our promised land for this pitiful desert, neither had we seen any mangos growing along the way; and, behold, I did bet that the children of Israel could build fires any time they wanted to cook their meat or bake their mangos.

25 Now behold, Nephi did again rebuke me for my blindness, saying that there are more kinds of bondage than one; yea, he did recount the many blessings that we had received and did remind me about those infernal brass plates and did remind me of the angel we had seen, and the voice of the Lord we had heard, and many other things which had slipped my mind.

26 And it came to pass that we grew angry with Nephi, for there is nothing more annoying than for someone to point out your faults—especially things that you have no intention of correcting; wherefore, we did decide that it was show time; yea, maybe even lights-out time for Nephi, for as Lemuel said: It is easier to extinguish the light that illuminates your own darkness than to rekindle your light within.

27 Now it came to pass that we were about to seize Nephi and tie him up again; yea, we did conspire to give him a one-way baptism, when behold, he did stand forth and did tremble before us; yea, he did say that he was filled with the spirit, and if we touched him, we should wither even as a dried reed.

28 Now I, Laman, thought that this was a cheap trick; wherefore, I did command Lemuel to grab hold of Nephi, but he would not, neither would any of the cowardly sons of Ishmael.

29 And it came to pass that we did decide to let Nephi go this time; wherefore, he did continue to speak many unpleasant things unto us, neither did we touch him or lay our hands upon him, just to be safe; yea, and I did give considerable thought as to how we could shove him into the sea without actually touching him.

30 Now behold, after many days Nephi spake unto us, saying: Stretch forth thy hands and thou shalt not Wither as a dried reed, but the Lord will shock you that you may know that he is the Lord and that he has instructed me to build a ship.

[41] And I did push Lemuel forward, and he did reluctantly stretch forth his hand; and behold, he did not wither, which did cause him much relief, but he did jump about a foot into the air, for Nephi was fully charged; wherefore, we did all go forth, that we might also experience this new shock therapy; yea, we did each receive a few instructional volts straight from the hands of Nephi.

32 Now behold, we did now know that the Lord was with him and that we should no longer withhold our labor; yea, and because of this divine spark, we did name the ship in our brother's honor, calling it the Arc of Nephi.

	The Lost Plates of Laman An Account Written by the Hand of Laman upon Plates of Tin Made by His Own Self—with a Little Help from his Brother Lemuel by Bob Lewis Signature Books; Salt Lake City, Utah © 1997 by Signatue Books. Contents Introduction The Book of Laman Chapter 1. Laman fabricates his tin plates Chapter 2. Laman tries to persuade his father to stop annoying the neighbors Chapter 3. Laman and his brothers are sent on a wild goose chase Chapter 4. The deal for the brass plates goes sour Chapter 5. Nephi goes to the house of Laban in Jerusalem Chapter 6. Laman and his brothers return unto the tent of Lehi in the wilderness Chapter 7. Laman explains the brass plates and what a nuisance they have become Chapter 8. Would you believe it? The sons of Lehi are sent back unto Jersusalem Chapter 9. Lehi has a nightmare Chapter 10. Laman and Lemuel worry about their father's discourse on horticulture Chapter 11. There are marriages galore in the wilderness Chapter 12. Ishmael dies suddenly, which is a lousy way to get out of wandering Chapter 14. Years pass wandering—the game of golf is almost invented Chapter 15. A ship of curious workmanship is built, but will it float? Chapter 16. Laman cannot believe the sea is so large—they take up fishing to pass the time Chapter 17. Laman gives an account of his tin plates—the promised land is not a bed of roses Chapter 18. Lehi blesses his children, but Laman gets a left-handed blessing Chapter 19. Nephi is afflicted with the wandering disorder and goes off into the wilderness Chapter 20. Laman becomes king Chapter 21. Moron is sent to spy upon the people of Nephi Chapter 22. The Lamanites become a pain in the neck unto the Nephites cover


	CHAPTER 14 Years pass wandering—The game of golf is almost invented—Raw meat is added to the menu—They arrive in Bountiful, but Nephi grows weary of life on shore and decides to build a ship—The brothers grow angry with Nephi, with shocking results. AND it came to pass that we did again take our journey into the wilderness, and we did leave the borders of the Red Sea and did travel eastward and did watch the seasons come and go; wherefore, we did observe the changes in the color of the endless sand, which Lemuel did describe as taupe and ecru and oatmeal and brindle and several other shades of brown that I had never heard of; yea, and it did seem that we were trudging clear across Arabia. 2 And it came to pass that our wandering stretched into months and then years, and our wives bore children in the wilderness, and our tents became exceedingly small; yea, our father Lehi did rejoice to count all of his seed, but then he did not have to sleep in the same tent with them; and behold, my wife did give birth unto our first-born son, and we did call him Moron, after his mother, Morona, and she did also give birth unto two daughters, Babylonia and Reebok, then two more sons, which we called Egad and Modicum; yea, our families began to grow until we did begin to look like unto a people, which is just slightly larger than a tribe. 3 And we did wade thru much affliction—yea, the operative word is wade, for if you have ever walked in sand or pitched a tent in sand or cooked your meals in sand or raised your children in sand, and done this day in and day out, then you will know what it means to wade thru affliction.


			4 And life was very tedious; wherefore, we did entertain ourselves by placing a tiny ball in the sand and hitting it with a wooden club, which Lemuel did call a niblick, but there was no place to hit it, except back into more sand, which was no fun at all; wherefore, Lemuel did plant patches of grass that we might have little green spots beside the sand; yea, and we did hit the ball from one patch of green to another, trying always to keep the ball out of the sand; but lo and behold, rodents did bore holes in our grassy patches, and we did become discouraged when our balls rolled into the holes; wherefore, we did look for some other kind of diversion. 5 But behold, the coop de grass of our misery came when [38] my father, Lehi, did announce that the Lord did prefer that we should not make much fire in the wilderness; wherefore, I did remind him that we were not in any danger of setting the place on fire, neither did we need to worry about burning down the dunes. 6 Now my father, Lehi, did always take a very rigid interpretation of the word of the Lord; yea, he did believe that we should no longer cook our meals but eat
	The sons of Lehi did almost invent the game of golf.


	raw meat; and behold, he did say that the Lord would make our food to become sweet unto us, but it was never sweet unto me, only cold and raw and gaggy; wherefore, I did become a vegetarian. 7 And it came to pass that the years dragged by, and we did continue our wandering and wading; and behold, I did begin to suspect that our father, Lehi, was hoping to break the record for wandering held by the children of Israel; yea, and I did worry that our children would grow up thinking that life was just a beach. 8 And lo and behold, after what did seem an eternity, we did stumble upon the edge of a great sea, which my father named Irrigation, or something like that, which he said means many waters; yea, it was a whole magnitude of water, which I did expect since there had been so much beach leading up to it. 9 And behold, we pitched our tents in a verdant valley that looked out upon the sea, and our children did gather fruit from the many trees, and we found wild honey and much game; wherefore, my father called the place Bountiful, though we had no relative by that name; and behold, I did truly think it was the promised land; yea, I did sit against a tree and did look for hours upon the green land, while our children frolicked like young lambs and my eyes began to fill with tears, for I was sitting in a clump of stinging nettle. 10 Now after many days, I began to be exceedingly comfortable in the land of Bountiful, for we did have plenty to eat and a spectacular view with hardly any traffic; wherefore, my wife did make plans for a small bungalow near a fresh spring, thinking that we might fold up our borrowed tent for good. 11 But behold, Nephi did grow restless, for some people just don't know how to relax; yea, we did observe that he spent his time collecting skins of beasts, and with them he did make a strange contraption which he called a bellows wherewith to blow a fire, that he might make tools. 12 Now behold, I did gripe unto our father, Lehi, saying: If Nephi can build a fire to make his ball-peen hammer and his lug wrench, why could not we have a little fire for a barbecue? Yea, and why do we need tools in the first place, for have we not become hunters and gatherers, or are we now to become farmers, and will not this confuse those at BYU who will one day do a master's thesis on us? 13 But behold, all of our wandering had pretty well taken its toll on Lehi, and he did let Nephi run wild; yea, our broth[39]er, who had been acting very strange, did one day drop a bombshell on us, saying: Behold, the voice of the Lord did come unto me and did tell me to construct a ship wherewith to carry us across these waters; and behold, I am making these tools that I might build the ship as the Lord directs me. 14 Now I, Laman, could not believe my ears, for Nephi did not know diddly squat about making boats, neither was I going to set foot in anything that he built, let alone take a trip across the sea and probably drop off the edge of the world in the process; yea, if the Lord wanted us to go sailing, why could he not provide the means, for he had caused the Liahona to be dropped from the sky at the door of the tent of my father, then why not just trot out the Faro's own ship, the Queen Nefertiti? 15 But behold, Nephi did insist that he could build a ship with the help of the Lord, but wouldn't you know it, he did ask for my help, and the help of Lemuel also, which shows that Nephi was a little off his rocker, for we didn't know beans about boats either. 16 And I, Laman, did point out a few flies in the ointment; namely, that if the Lord himself was planning to lend a hand, then we might as well go fishing, for if the Lord could create the whole world in eight or nine days, I forgot which, surely he could crank out a boat in the wink of an eye; yea, and many other clever and sarcastic things did I say unto Nephi. 17 And Lemuel did also wax witty, bugging Nephi to cough up the plans for this divine dinghy, for surely the Lord would not build a boat without a blueprint; yea, and we did all laugh at Nephi and tease him and call him a fool and a few other names that may be hard to translate. 18 And it came to pass that Nephi was much downcast, which did make us feel good, for there is nothing like the depression of others to cheer a body up. 19 But behold, after we had our fun, we did speak words of comfort unto Nephi, saying that we knew deep down that he did not really expect to build this new-fangled ark, and besides, the land Bountiful was a little short on gopher wood; yea, and Lemuel pointed out that there was no sign of rain in the forecast as in the days when old Enoch built his ark. 20 Wherefore, I said unto Nephi: Thou art like unto our father, Lehi, led away by the foolish imaginations of thy heart, or is it thine heart? 21 Yea, once we got warmed up, we did murmur for the umpteenth time about being dragged out of the land of our inheritance to wander in the wilderness and to wade knee-deep through afflictions and to toil through hot days and to gag on cold meals and to suffer the smell of camels, and never once in all these years visit Club Med. 22 And, of course, we did bring up the old chestnut about the people of Jerusalem being good and decent, for they did always seem much better from a distance; yea, and we did not omit [40] the part about the gold and silver and precious things that we had been forced to leave behind with that thug of a monkey's uncle, Laban. 23 Now behold, after our truly world-class murmuring, we did think that Nephi was ready to heave in the towel, and that he would no more pursue his foolish plans to fashion a frigate; but behold, we did ever underestimate the pigheadedness of our little brother; yea, he did again crank out the story of Moses and the children of Israel who were led out of bondage and fed mangos from heaven and were at last brought to a land of promise, which was all very interesting, but I did not see the connection. 24 Wherefore, I, Laman, did remark unto Nephi that we were not at all like the children of Israel, for we were not in bondage; yea, we had quit our promised land for this pitiful desert, neither had we seen any mangos growing along the way; and, behold, I did bet that the children of Israel could build fires any time they wanted to cook their meat or bake their mangos. 25 Now behold, Nephi did again rebuke me for my blindness, saying that there are more kinds of bondage than one; yea, he did recount the many blessings that we had received and did remind me about those infernal brass plates and did remind me of the angel we had seen, and the voice of the Lord we had heard, and many other things which had slipped my mind. 26 And it came to pass that we grew angry with Nephi, for there is nothing more annoying than for someone to point out your faults—especially things that you have no intention of correcting; wherefore, we did decide that it was show time; yea, maybe even lights-out time for Nephi, for as Lemuel said: It is easier to extinguish the light that illuminates your own darkness than to rekindle your light within. 27 Now it came to pass that we were about to seize Nephi and tie him up again; yea, we did conspire to give him a one-way baptism, when behold, he did stand forth and did tremble before us; yea, he did say that he was filled with the spirit, and if we touched him, we should wither even as a dried reed. 28 Now I, Laman, thought that this was a cheap trick; wherefore, I did command Lemuel to grab hold of Nephi, but he would not, neither would any of the cowardly sons of Ishmael. 29 And it came to pass that we did decide to let Nephi go this time; wherefore, he did continue to speak many unpleasant things unto us, neither did we touch him or lay our hands upon him, just to be safe; yea, and I did give considerable thought as to how we could shove him into the sea without actually touching him. 30 Now behold, after many days Nephi spake unto us, saying: Stretch forth thy hands and thou shalt not Wither as a dried reed, but the Lord will shock you that you may know that he is the Lord and that he has instructed me to build a ship. [41] And I did push Lemuel forward, and he did reluctantly stretch forth his hand; and behold, he did not wither, which did cause him much relief, but he did jump about a foot into the air, for Nephi was fully charged; wherefore, we did all go forth, that we might also experience this new shock therapy; yea, we did each receive a few instructional volts straight from the hands of Nephi. 32 Now behold, we did now know that the Lord was with him and that we should no longer withhold our labor; yea, and because of this divine spark, we did name the ship in our brother's honor, calling it the Arc of Nephi.