The Lost Plates of Laman / chapter 4

	The Lost Plates of Laman An Account Written by the Hand of Laman upon Plates of Tin Made by His Own Self—with a Little Help from his Brother Lemuel by Bob Lewis Signature Books; Salt Lake City, Utah © 1997 by Signatue Books. Contents Introduction The Book of Laman Chapter 1. Laman fabricates his tin plates Chapter 2. Laman tries to persuade his father to stop annoying the neighbors Chapter 3. Laman and his brothers are sent on a wild goose chase Chapter 4. The deal for the brass plates goes sour Chapter 5. Nephi goes to the house of Laban in Jerusalem Chapter 6. Laman and his brothers return unto the tent of Lehi in the wilderness Chapter 7. Laman explains the brass plates and what a nuisance they have become Chapter 8. Would you believe it? The sons of Lehi are sent back unto Jersusalem Chapter 9. Lehi has a nightmare Chapter 10. Laman and Lemuel worry about their father's discourse on horticulture Chapter 11. There are marriages galore in the wilderness Chapter 12. Ishmael dies suddenly, which is a lousy way to get out of wandering Chapter 14. Years pass wandering—the game of golf is almost invented Chapter 15. A ship of curious workmanship is built, but will it float? Chapter 16. Laman cannot believe the sea is so large—they take up fishing to pass the time Chapter 17. Laman gives an account of his tin plates—the promised land is not a bed of roses Chapter 18. Lehi blesses his children, but Laman gets a left-handed blessing Chapter 19. Nephi is afflicted with the wandering disorder and goes off into the wilderness Chapter 20. Laman becomes king Chapter 21. Moron is sent to spy upon the people of Nephi Chapter 22. The Lamanites become a pain in the neck unto the Nephites cover


	CHAPTER 4 The deal for the brass plates goes sour—The sons of Lehi escape by the skin of their teeth—A mysterious personage tells them to return again unto Jerusalem—Is it a trick by that rascal Laban? AND it came to pass that we went down to the land of our inheritance, and we did gather together the gold and silver and pawnable things left behind by our father; and behold, I, Laman, and also my brother Lemuel, did slip back those things that we had taken before, so that Nephi and Sam did not know that much of the family loot had been with us all the time, and thus we did fool our younger brothers. 2 And it came to pass that after we had gathered together our gold and silver and our gewgaws, we went up again unto the house of Laban. Now I, Laman, would not go in unto Laban alone; wherefore, my brothers Lemuel and Nephi and Sam went in unto Laban with me. 3 Now behold, we were in luck, for Laban was not stuffing his face, which was a good omen, for he was a real porker and spent much of his time with his legs beneath the table, yea, and often his whole body, as Lemuel was fond of saying, referring to the drinking habits of Uncle Laban. And behold, we began to lay before him our gold and silver and a few of our most nifty precious things; yea, we laid out cash on the barrelhead, saying that we would give him everything and that we desired only the paltry old brass plates containing the dreary records of the past that had probably been cluttering up his place too long already.


			4 And I, Laman, was certain that Uncle Laban would accept our offer, for he did look upon our gold and our silver and [12] especially our precious things with glustig eyes. But behold, Laban was an even bigger yahoo than I thought, for he did pull the old double cross on us; yea, he did suddenly call upon his servants, who were big and strong and ugly, and they did thrust us out and did chase us with swords and sticks so that we left behind everything and barely escaped by the skin of our teeth. 5 Now I did marvel at the depravity of man, even our own flesh and blood, and Uncle Laban possessed a whole lot of flesh to be depraved; yea, I, Laman, had always believed that you can dicker and haggle and drive a sharp bargain, even stretch things a bit here and there, but that once you make a deal you stick with it, unless, as Lemuel says, you could find a sharp lawyer to help you worm out of it. But this was out and out stealing, for Uncle Laban, may he perish with indigestion, had filched all of our inheritance and what did we get—the old bum's rush!
	"Now behold, I could not wait to tell my father what a schmuck his cousin, Laban, was, for he did snooker us out of our gold and silver and precious things."


	6 And it came to pass that we did hide ourselves in a cave, that the servants of Laban who came after us in hot pursuit did not find us; and behold, I, Laman, was in an ugly mood; yea, I did not desire the pokey, old brass plates in the first place, and now to lose our gold and silver, and especially our precious things, and have nothing to show for it, made my Manasseh blood boil. 7 Now behold, as I was grousing about our loss, Nephi began to speak about the wisdom of God and the holy prophets and the commandments and other cheerful stuff; wherefore, I did pick up a small stick and smote him, and Sam also, and I did immediately begin to feel better; therefore, I did smite them again. 8 And it came to pass that there was a bright flash, like unto magic, or maybe St. Elmo's fire; and behold, there stood before us a figure, and he spake unto me, saying: Do not smite your brothers with a stick; wherefore, I did reply that it was the only thing handy. But, behold, the personage was not amused; yea, he commanded me to return again unto Jerusalem with my brothers, saying that the Lord would deliver Laban into our hands. 9 Now after the person spake thus unto me, behold, he disappeared, shazzam, like unto greased lightning; yea, and I did rub my eyes in disbelief, not knowing who in blazes he was, nor where he had come from, neither where he went; wherefore, I did tell Lemuel to look behind some rocks and search all around the cave, but he could not find him. 10 And behold, Nephi said that it was an angel of the Lord and that we should go again unto Jerusalem as we had been commanded. 11 But behold, I, Laman, did suspect that it was one of the servants of Laban who had some trick up his sleeve; wherefore, I did speak unto Nephi, saying: Not so fast! Why should the Lord deliver Laban into our hands, for we do not wish to have him but only the plates of brass, and I am not even sure [13] about them; yea, and have I not been twice unto the house of that hippo Laban and both times been kicked out on my ear? 12 Yea, why could not the Lord keep it simple, for if these plates are so all-fired important, why not just send this will-o'-the-wisp angel unto Laban and instruct the old goat to cough up the plates and give us back our goods for the inconvenience? 13 And I did remind Nephi that Laban was a mighty man, with plenty of goons; yea, and he could put his hands on fifty hooligans, and we were but four, which makes terrible odds. 14 But Nephi answered and said: The Lord is mightier than Laban and all of his servants, for did he not destroy the armies of Faro in the waters of the Red Sea; wherefore, let us go again unto Jerusalem that the Lord may destroy Laban, even as the Egyptians. 15 Now I, Laman, wondered how in tarnation we could entice Laban to come with us unto the Red Sea to be drowned like those unreformed Egyptians, but Lemuel said that Nephi was speaking metaphorically; nevertheless, my heart was full of doubts as we slouched again toward Jerusalem. 29 And after this manner did we contend one with another until I, Laman, and my brother Lemuel also, did throw in the towel, and we did agree to go down to the house of our father; yea, we would do whatever Nephi bade us if only he would stop preaching; wherefore, we did go, knowing deep down that we would have to cough up the gold and silver and so forth that we had so carefully squirreled away.

Copyright © Signature Books, LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this text or graphics may be reproduced in any form or by any means without written permission from Signature Books, LLC